FWD:: Tales of Udurawana 3 (Editor's Special *D*)

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Misleading notices

Udurawana was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Udurawana." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

182 cms tall

Udurawana came to the news paper to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs.360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him. "i'm dhommed!," exclaimed the Udurawana. "My father was 182 cms tall."

Wrong Number

Udurawana went to Colombo for official matter and called to his house over phone. Servant had taken the receiver. Udurawana: Who is speaking? Servant : Servant Sir. Udurawana: Where is the Madam? Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom. Udurawana: What? I am her husband came to Colombo today. Servant: What can I do now sir? Udurawana: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line. After some time ... there come 2 shooting sounds ... after that ... Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir? Udurawana: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir Udurawana: What...? No swimming pool? Servant: Yes Sir Udurawana: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!

Double-decker

When Udurawana was studying in London he got into a double-decker bus with his friend. Udurawana’s friend somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Udurawana got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, friend went upstairs to see Udurawana. He met Udurawana in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Udurawana! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there Scared Udurawana replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

100 percent

Udurawana elected as a member of the parliament in the latest elections and went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the Udurawana was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window. "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you see the bridge over it?" "Of course", said the Udurawana. "10 percent", said the senator smugly. Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. Udurawana lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the Udurawana had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc. "How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked. Udurawana called him to the window. "See the river over there?" "Sure", cried the senator. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said - "No, I don't see any bridge." "100 percent", said the Udurawana!!

Get back to me tomorrow

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Udurawana, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Udurawana arrived for his interview; he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Udurawana arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

I'm getting a Fax

Three men - an American, a Japanese and Udurawana were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." Udurawana felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

Logic

Udurawana decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of his friends came home.  Friend: Udurawana How is your MBA preparation?  Udurawana: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.  Friend: Logic is very easy.  Udurawana: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.  Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?  Udurawana: YES.  Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.  Udurawana : YES.  Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.  Udurawana: YES.  Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.  Udurawana: YES.  Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.  Udurawana: YES.  Friend: so, logically, your are married.  Udurawana: YES.  Friend: So, that means U are a heterosexual.  Udurawana was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees his lecturer and he wanted to show his knowledge on Logic to him.  Udurawana : Sir, I want to show you my knowledge on Logic  Lecturer : Ah.. how do you find it ?.  Udurawana: Oh, logic is easy.  Lecturer : Please, give me an example.  Udurawana : Do you have a fish pot in your house?  Lecturer : NO, I don't.  Udurawana: “GOD DAMN IT!, HOMO.....!!!” ~~more to come~~ Previously on Udurawana: Tale Of Udurawana 1 Tales Of Udurawana 2