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Sunday, August 28, 2011
FWD:: Funny Celebrity Anagrams
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• Britney Spears: best PR in years
• Justin Timberlake: I’m a jerk, but listen
• Madonna Louise Ciccone: occasional nude income. & one cool dance musician.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger: he’s grown large n’ crazed
• William Shatner: slim alien wrath & Will is earthman
• Elvis Aaron Presley: Seen alive? Sorry, pal & earns lovely praise
• David Letterman: terminal dead TV & nerd amid late TV
• Clint Eastwood: old west action & lies down to act
• Jennifer Aniston: fine in torn jeans
• Saddam Hussein: UNs said he’s mad
• Marilyn Monroe: in lore, my Norma & I marry loon men
• Sean Connery: on any screen
• Sharon Stone: no near shots & ass on throne
• Jim Morrison: Mr. Mojo Risin’
• Howard Stern: wonder trash
• Frodo Baggins: bad ring’s goof
• Sherlock Holmes: heh smells crook
• Babe Ruth: he rub bat
• Robin Williams: I warm billions
• Monty Python’s Flying Circus: strongly psychotic, I’m funny
• Steve Martin: I’m star event
• James Marshall Hendrix: hinder lax, harmless jam
• Princess Diana: ascend in Paris & end is a car spin
• Stevie Wonder: er, doesn’t view
• Elvis Costello: voice sells lot
• Paul McCartney: pay Mr. Clean cut
• Justin Timberlake: I’m a jerk, but listen
• Madonna Louise Ciccone: occasional nude income. & one cool dance musician.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger: he’s grown large n’ crazed
• William Shatner: slim alien wrath & Will is earthman
• Elvis Aaron Presley: Seen alive? Sorry, pal & earns lovely praise
• David Letterman: terminal dead TV & nerd amid late TV
• Clint Eastwood: old west action & lies down to act
• Jennifer Aniston: fine in torn jeans
• Saddam Hussein: UNs said he’s mad
• Marilyn Monroe: in lore, my Norma & I marry loon men
• Sean Connery: on any screen
• Sharon Stone: no near shots & ass on throne
• Jim Morrison: Mr. Mojo Risin’
• Howard Stern: wonder trash
• Frodo Baggins: bad ring’s goof
• Sherlock Holmes: heh smells crook
• Babe Ruth: he rub bat
• Robin Williams: I warm billions
• Monty Python’s Flying Circus: strongly psychotic, I’m funny
• Steve Martin: I’m star event
• James Marshall Hendrix: hinder lax, harmless jam
• Princess Diana: ascend in Paris & end is a car spin
• Stevie Wonder: er, doesn’t view
• Elvis Costello: voice sells lot
• Paul McCartney: pay Mr. Clean cut
FWD:: Top 05 Misheard Lyrics
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Song : Addicted To Love - Robert Palmer
Misheard Lyrics : Might as well face it, you are a dick with a glove
Real Lyrics : Might as well face it, you are addicted to love
Real Lyrics : Might as well face it, you are addicted to love
Song : Oh Canada - National Anthems
Misheard Lyrics : Oh Canada, we stand on cars and freeze
Real Lyrics : Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee
Real Lyrics : Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee
Song : Losing My religion - R.E.M.
Misheard Lyrics : Let's pee in the corner, lets pee in the spotlight
Real Lyrics : That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight
Real Lyrics : That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight
Song : Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
Misheard Lyrics : The algebra has a devil for the sidekick eeeee...
Real Lyrics : Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me...
AND THE TOP MISHEARD SONG IS :
Real Lyrics : Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me...
AND THE TOP MISHEARD SONG IS :
Song : Centerfold - J.Geils Band
Misheard Lyrics : My anus is a center hole
Real Lyrics : My angel is a centerfold
Real Lyrics : My angel is a centerfold
FWD:: A Day Of Golf
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A man was out golfing with his friends. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant. Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.
He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care.
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
Then the doctor snickered and said, "I'm just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
FWD:: Hidden Stories of Albert Einstein
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Albert Einstein’s wife often suggested that he dress more professionally,
when he headed off to work.
“Why should I?” he would invariably argue.
Everyone knows me there.”
When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference,
she begged him to dress up a bit.
“Why should I?” said Einstein.
“No one knows me there
when he headed off to work.
“Why should I?” he would invariably argue.
Everyone knows me there.”
When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference,
she begged him to dress up a bit.
“Why should I?” said Einstein.
“No one knows me there
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity.
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour,”
he once declared.
“Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
That’s relativity!”
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour,”
he once declared.
“Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
That’s relativity!”
========= ========= ========= ========= =========
When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university,
one day he was going back home he forgot his home address.
The driver of the cab did not recognize him.
Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein’s home.
The driver said “Who does not know Einstein’s address?
Everyone in Princeton knows.
Do you want to meet him?”.
Einstein replied “I am Einstein.
I forgot my home address, can you take me there? ”
The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him .
one day he was going back home he forgot his home address.
The driver of the cab did not recognize him.
Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein’s home.
The driver said “Who does not know Einstein’s address?
Everyone in Princeton knows.
Do you want to meet him?”.
Einstein replied “I am Einstein.
I forgot my home address, can you take me there? ”
The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him .
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========
Einstein was once travelling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle,
punching the tickets of every passenger.
When he came to Einstein,
Einstein reached in his vest pocket.
He couldn’t find his ticket,
so he reached in his trouser pockets.
It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it.
Then he looked in the seat beside him.
He still couldn’t find it.
The conductor said,
‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are.
We all know who you are.
I’m sure you bought a ticket.
Don’t worry about it.’
Einstein nodded appreciatively.
The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets.
As he was ready to move to the next car,
he turned around and saw the great physicist
down on his hands and knees
looking under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said,
‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry,
I know who you are. No problem.
You don’t need a ticket.
I’m sure you bought one.’
Einstein looked at him and said,
‘Young man, I too, know who I am.
punching the tickets of every passenger.
When he came to Einstein,
Einstein reached in his vest pocket.
He couldn’t find his ticket,
so he reached in his trouser pockets.
It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it.
Then he looked in the seat beside him.
He still couldn’t find it.
The conductor said,
‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are.
We all know who you are.
I’m sure you bought a ticket.
Don’t worry about it.’
Einstein nodded appreciatively.
The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets.
As he was ready to move to the next car,
he turned around and saw the great physicist
down on his hands and knees
looking under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said,
‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry,
I know who you are. No problem.
You don’t need a ticket.
I’m sure you bought one.’
Einstein looked at him and said,
‘Young man, I too, know who I am.
What I don’t know is where I’m going. That’s why I am searching my ticket”
FWD:: 8 Best Moments In Life
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1@ Giving the 1st salary to ur parents.
2@ Thinking your love with tears.
3@ Looking old photos & smiling.
4@ A sweet & emotional chat with friends
5@ Holding hands with your loved ones for a walk.
6@ Getting a hug from one who cares you.
7@ 1st kiss to your child when he /she is born.
8@ The moments when your eyes are filled with tears after a big laugh
FWD:: Sunday Service In Church About THAT Piece of MEAT
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A Narration by Father Denzil O Hara.
“During a Sunday Service in church, My sermon was as follows:
Dear Brothers and Sisters !!!!!
Today I want to talk about a Piece of MEAT.
YES…..THAT Piece of MEAT !!!!!! Sometimes strong and hard, sometimes loose.
That Piece of MEAT that separates brothers and sisters!!!!! Men and Women. !!!!!!!
That Piece of MEAT that causes Husbands and Wives to divorce!!!
That Piece of MEAT that causes hatred and jealousy between brothers.!!!!
That Piece of MEAT that causes women to fight with women,
It is that Piece of MEAT that is sometimes outside and sometimes more inside than outside .
Beloved brothers and sisters,
It is that Piece of MEAT that can give so much pain, but it also brings a lot of UNBELIEVABLE PLEASURE !
Beloved Brothers and Sisters, that’s the Piece of MEAT, I want to talk to you about : -
WHICH IS ………………………… ……………
THE TONGUE…
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS …..
THE TONGUE !!!!!!!!!
I guess you who read this would have knew it all -along ……….?????????#@!*
If not………
YOUR CORRUPTED MINDS ARE FORGIVEN….. can I get an Amen ????!!!!
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