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Monday, August 29, 2011
FWD:: Unbelievable Pencil Sketches
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This guy is awesome.
Drawings by Pencil!
This guy is awesome.
Drawings by Pencil!
I forgot to tell you that the artist doesn’t have hands and the paintings were made by his mouth
FWD:: 50 MOST interesting facts
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1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire a strung across the U.S.
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
123,000,000 cars are being driven down the U.S's highways.
160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in Brazil, the world's widest road.
166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the U.S.
27% of U.S. male college students believe life is "A meaningless existential hell."
315 entries in Webster's Dictionary will be misspelled.
5% of Canadians don't know the first 7 words of the Canadian anthem, but know the first 9 of the American anthem.
56,000,000 people go to Major League baseball each year.
7% of Americans don't know the first 9 words of the American anthem, but know the first 7 of the Canadian anthem.
85,000,000 tons of paper are used each year in the U.S.
99% of the solar systems mass is concentrated in the sun.
A 10-gallon hat barely holds 6 pints.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off.
A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.
A cow produces 200 times more gas a day than a person.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.
A fully loaded supertanker travelling at normal speed takes a least twenty minutes to stop.
A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.
A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel can.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there.
A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average.
A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
A jellyfish is 95 percent water.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A jumbo jet uses 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off.
A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.
A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 6 years. Wow.
A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.
A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.
A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.
A skunk can spray its stinky scent more than 10 feet.
A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.
A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans!
A walla-walla scene is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background -- when they say "walla-walla" it looks like they are actually talking.
A whale's penis is called a dork.
About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.
About 70% of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money. [The rest of us are avoiding reality for four more years.]
According to a British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
FWD:: How to create a perfect Relationship
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A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and
requested “I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a
suitable one.” The SDU officer said, “Your requirements, please.” “Oh,
good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in
singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I
need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
The officer listened carefully and replied, “I understand you need
television.”
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a
blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the
faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of
the wife.
Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and
dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the
excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage
is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and
requested “I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a
suitable one.” The SDU officer said, “Your requirements, please.” “Oh,
good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in
singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I
need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
The officer listened carefully and replied, “I understand you need
television.”
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a
blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the
faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of
the wife.
Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and
dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the
excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage
is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
FWD:: Size Or Status?
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This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
FWD:: Medical Issues
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An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
FWD:: World's Funniest Advertisements
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Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."
Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"
1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.
FWD:: Firehoses For The Fires
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A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.
"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the fire chief.
"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.
"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire chief.
"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.
"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire chief.
"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.
"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming from?"
The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from, chief."
FWD:: Interesting Walmart Customer
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Dear Mrs. Denner,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.
Regards, Wal-Mart (Thanks Bradley)
FWD:: Their Sons
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These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son BIll," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Frank's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
FWD:: A Cup Holder With A Warranty
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Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
FWD:: Who Is The Best?
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The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
FWD:: If Mr.Bean...
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If Mr. Bean Had A Baby
If Mr. Bean Was In Avatar
If Mr. Bean Was Justin Bieber
If Mr. Bean Had A Daughter
If Mr. Bean Was Lady Gaga
If Mr. Bean Was Bin Laden
If Mr. Bean Was In Legally Blonde
If Mr.. Bean Was In Orphan
If Mr. Bean Was A pirate
If Mr. Bean Was The Pope
If Mr.. Bean Was Harry Potter
If Mr. Bean ran For President
If Mr. Bean Was Tomb Raider
If Mr. Bean Was In Twilight
If Mr. Bean Was In Avatar
If Mr. Bean Was Justin Bieber
If Mr. Bean Had A Daughter
If Mr. Bean Was Lady Gaga
If Mr. Bean Was Bin Laden
If Mr. Bean Was In Legally Blonde
If Mr.. Bean Was In Orphan
If Mr. Bean Was A pirate
If Mr. Bean Was The Pope
If Mr.. Bean Was Harry Potter
If Mr. Bean ran For President
If Mr. Bean Was Tomb Raider
If Mr. Bean Was In Twilight
FWD:: Weight Loss Programme
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A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week.
FWD:: Damn Cheap Parking
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A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.
So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $20 bucks?"
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