Monday, August 29, 2011

FWD:: Weight Loss Programme

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A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week.

FWD:: Damn Cheap Parking

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A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.
So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $20 bucks?"

FWD:: Weird & Wonderful Motorcycles

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FWD:: Cunning Or Clever?

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There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

FWD:: Extreme Temperature Levels

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    50 - Miami residents turn on the heat 40 - COLLEGE STUDENTS STILL WEAR SHORTS Californians shiver uncontrollably Wisconsinites go swimming 35 - Italian cars don't start 32 - Water freezes 30 - You can see your breath You plan your vacation to Australia Wisconsinites put on T-shirts Politicians begin to worry about the homeless 25 - Boston water freezes Californians weep pitiably Wisconsinites eat ice cream Canadians go swimming Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you 20 - You can hear your breath Politicians begin to talk about the homeless New York City water freezes Miami residents plan vacation further South 15 - You plan a vacation in Mexico Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 - Too cold to snow You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 - You plan your vacation in Houston 0 - American cars don't start Alaskans put on T-shirts Too cold to skate -5 - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo Wisconsinites' stick tongue on metal objects Miami residents cease to exist -10 - Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you Politicians actually do something about the homeless Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof -15 - Too cold to think You need jumper cables to get the driver going Only ice chunks hit the bottom of the outhouse -20 - You plan a two week hot bath The Mighty Monongahela freezes Japanese cars don't start -25 - Californians disappear Wisconsinites button top button Canadians put on sweaters Your car helps you plan your trip South -30 - Congressional hot air freezes -50 - Hell freezes over Polar bears move south -65 -All major universities are still open and requiring students to attend class! Remember the good old elementary school Days???

FWD:: Amazing Food Art

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creative foody art 1
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FWD:: Golden Nuggets




Prayer is not a “spare wheel” that you pull out when in trouble,
but it is a”steering wheel” that directs the right path throughout.
Do you know why a Car’s WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear view Mirror is so small?
Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. Look Ahead and Move on.
Friendship is like a BOOK.
It takes few seconds to burn,
but it takes years to write.
All things in life are temporary.
If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever.
If going wrong, don’t worry,they can’t last long either.
OldFriends are Gold!
New Friends are Diamond!
If you get a Diamond,
don’t forget the Gold!
Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!
Often when we lose hope and think this is the end,
GOD smiles from above and says, “Relax, sweetheart,
it’s just a bend, not the end!
When GOD solves your problems,
you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn’t solve your problems
HE has faith in your abilities.
When you pray for others,
God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy,
remember that someone has prayed for you.
WORRYING does not take away tomorrows’ TROUBLES,
it takes away todays’ PEACE.
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