Showing posts with label god jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label god jokes. Show all posts

Saturday, August 27, 2011

FWD:: Meeting S@tan




checkout this FWD!


The priest asks Johnny if he's not scared of meeting Satan. Little Johnny says "You are the one that must be scared; you talk nonsense about him every Sunday.

Monday, August 22, 2011

FWD:: 0 To 200 In 6 Seconds


checkout this FWD!



Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

FWD:: Computer | Male Or Female??? O.o


checkout this FWD!

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French,
nouns,
unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as
masculine or feminine.
“House,” in French, is feminine–”la maison.” “Pencil,” in French, is
masculine–”le crayon.”
One puzzled student asked, “What gender is computer?”
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn’t in her French
dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough,
by
gender, and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a
masculine or feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their
recommendation.
The men’s group decided that computers should definitely be of the
feminine gender (“la computer”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine
(“le computer”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.

FWD:: Reference Guides To Men And Women


checkout this FWD!

Guide for Women on Men...


Guide for Men on Women...
.
.
.
.
.



So Obviously Men Are Smarter because They Had To Read This Massive Book On Women!!!!


FWD:: Are You Smarter Than These Animals?


checkout this FWD!

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,
a Lion
a Chimpanzee
a Giraffe
and a Squirrel.
If they compete, who do you think would get the Banana first?
So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis.
.
.
.
If your answer is:
Giraffe = you’re unrealistic.
Lion = you’re not honest.
Chimpanzee = you’re a complete moron.
Squirrel = you’re hopeless.
A COCONUT TREE DOESN’T HAVE BANANAS. 

FWD:: Interesting Connection With God


checkout this FWD!

An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal.
The doctor says, ” Gary everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Gary replies, “God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I’m done, *poof* the light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Gary ‘s wife.
“Marianne, he says, Gary is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof * the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, *poof* the light goes off?”
“OH MY GOD!” Marianne exclaims.
“He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!!!!”