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Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
FWD:: Not Seeing Your Wife For 03 Days
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A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
FWD:: Very Cold Winter
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It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' The man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.'
This is how stock markets work!
It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' The man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.'
This is how stock markets work!
FWD:: The Gender Test
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The Gender Test!
Are you male or female?
To know the answer, look down...
NOT HERE... MY FRIEND
I SAID LOOK DOWN....
NOT SCROLL DOWN!!
The Gender Test!
Are you male or female?
To know the answer, look down...
NOT HERE... MY FRIEND
I SAID LOOK DOWN....
NOT SCROLL DOWN!!
FWD:: Interesting IT Companies And Their Hidden Meanings
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1.NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & lackluster
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & lackluster
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
FWD:: Husbands Are innocent
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Where is the money?
.
.
.
Show me your Pockets
.
.
.
I'll not give her the money, She spends all of my salary Booohoooo!
.
.
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Give me way... I am going for shopping.
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Thanks Sweetheart...........bye :)
Where is the money?
.
.
.
Show me your Pockets
.
.
.
I'll not give her the money, She spends all of my salary Booohoooo!
.
.
.
Give me way... I am going for shopping.
.
.
.
Thanks Sweetheart...........bye :)
FWD:: 7 True Facts About Girlfriends
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3. Although They Always BuyExpensive Clothes, According to them, they Never Have Anything Good To Wear ! (For that too BF is held responsible)
4. Although They Never Have Nothing Good To Wear They Always Dress Beautifully !
5. Although They Always Dress Beautifully, They Are Never Satisfied !
6. Although They Are Never Satisfied, They Always Expect their BF To Compliment Them !
7. Although They Expect BF To Compliment Them, When They Do They Don't Believe Them ...
1. Most Important Thing For
a GF Is FINANCIAL SECURITY !
2. Although This Is Important,
They Still Go Out & Buy Expensive Clothes(And that too from their bf's budget)
a GF Is FINANCIAL SECURITY !
2. Although This Is Important,
They Still Go Out & Buy Expensive Clothes(And that too from their bf's budget)
3. Although They Always BuyExpensive Clothes, According to them, they Never Have Anything Good To Wear ! (For that too BF is held responsible)
4. Although They Never Have Nothing Good To Wear They Always Dress Beautifully !
5. Although They Always Dress Beautifully, They Are Never Satisfied !
6. Although They Are Never Satisfied, They Always Expect their BF To Compliment Them !
7. Although They Expect BF To Compliment Them, When They Do They Don't Believe Them ...
FWD: Yoga and Alcohol give the same benefits....
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|
Savasana
Position of total relaxation.
Position of total relaxation.
YOGA
Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.
Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.
Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.
Halasana
Excellent for back pain and insomnia.
Dolphin
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.
Salambhasana
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.
Ananda Balasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area.
Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
FWD:: Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when you don’t pay attention
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Good one!!
Two Important Qualities
1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT A BODY,
E.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in
his own mouth.
Then he said them to do the same.
The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted
it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION; I inserted my Middle finger
but tasted the Index finger.
Now learn to pay attention.
Moral:
Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when you don’t pay attention
1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT A BODY,
E.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in
his own mouth.
Then he said them to do the same.
The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted
it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION; I inserted my Middle finger
but tasted the Index finger.
Now learn to pay attention.
Moral:
Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when you don’t pay attention
Friday, September 9, 2011
FWD:: Latest Car Lock
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Car lock – do it from the door control!!!
How to Lock Your Car and Why ?
I locked my car. As I walked away I heard my car door unlock. I went back and locked my car again three times .. Each time, as soon as I started to walk away, I would hear it unlock again!! Naturally alarmed, I looked around and there were two guys sitting in a car in the fire lane next to the store. They were obviously watching me intently, and there was no doubt they were somehow involved in this very weird situation. I quickly chucked the errand I was on, jumped in my car and sped away. I went straight to the police station, told them what had happened, and found out I was part of a new, and very successful, scheme being used to gain entry into cars. Two weeks later, my friend’s son had a similar happening….
While traveling, my friend’s son stopped at a roadside rest to use the bathroom. When he came out to his car less than 4-5 minutes later, someone had gotten into his carand stolen his cell phone, laptop computer, GPS navigator, briefcase……you name it. He called the police and since there were no signs of his car being broken into, the police told him he had been a victim of the latest robbery tactic — there is a device that robbers are using now to clone your security code when you lock your doors on yourcar using your key-chain locking device..
They sit a distance away and watch for their next victim. They know you are going inside of the store, restaurant, or bathroom and that they now have a few minutes to steal and run. The police officer said to manually lock your car door-by hitting the lock button inside the car — that way if there is someone sitting in a parking lot watching for their next victim, it will not be you.
When you hit the lock button on your car upon exiting, it does not send the security code, but if you walk away and use the door lock on your key chain, it sends the code through the airwaves where it can be instantly stolen. This is very real.
Be wisely aware of what you just read and please pass this note on. Look how many times we all lock our doors with our remote just to be sure we remembered to lock them — and bingo, someone has our code…and whatever was in our car.
Snopes Approved –Please share with everyone you know!!
Note: The receiving device is known as a “Spectrum Analyzer” and the signal can be recorded and played back to unlock the car door. True!
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