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Showing posts with label Funniest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funniest. Show all posts
Sunday, September 11, 2011
FWD:: Who Said Girls Want Big...
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We Know, Every guy wishes that those were brains... Don't You???
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
FWD:: Finally A True Theory For Money
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The Less You Know, The More You Make
“Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.”
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
2. Time is Money.
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time
Power = Work / Time
Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.
The less you know,the more you make.
Monday, August 29, 2011
FWD:: Size Or Status?
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This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
FWD:: World's Funniest Advertisements
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Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.
Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.
Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."
Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"
1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.
FWD:: If Mr.Bean...
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If Mr. Bean Had A Baby
If Mr. Bean Was In Avatar
If Mr. Bean Was Justin Bieber
If Mr. Bean Had A Daughter
If Mr. Bean Was Lady Gaga
If Mr. Bean Was Bin Laden
If Mr. Bean Was In Legally Blonde
If Mr.. Bean Was In Orphan
If Mr. Bean Was A pirate
If Mr. Bean Was The Pope
If Mr.. Bean Was Harry Potter
If Mr. Bean ran For President
If Mr. Bean Was Tomb Raider
If Mr. Bean Was In Twilight
If Mr. Bean Was In Avatar
If Mr. Bean Was Justin Bieber
If Mr. Bean Had A Daughter
If Mr. Bean Was Lady Gaga
If Mr. Bean Was Bin Laden
If Mr. Bean Was In Legally Blonde
If Mr.. Bean Was In Orphan
If Mr. Bean Was A pirate
If Mr. Bean Was The Pope
If Mr.. Bean Was Harry Potter
If Mr. Bean ran For President
If Mr. Bean Was Tomb Raider
If Mr. Bean Was In Twilight
Sunday, August 28, 2011
FWD:: Top 05 Misheard Lyrics
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Song : Addicted To Love - Robert Palmer
Misheard Lyrics : Might as well face it, you are a dick with a glove
Real Lyrics : Might as well face it, you are addicted to love
Real Lyrics : Might as well face it, you are addicted to love
Song : Oh Canada - National Anthems
Misheard Lyrics : Oh Canada, we stand on cars and freeze
Real Lyrics : Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee
Real Lyrics : Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee
Song : Losing My religion - R.E.M.
Misheard Lyrics : Let's pee in the corner, lets pee in the spotlight
Real Lyrics : That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight
Real Lyrics : That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight
Song : Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
Misheard Lyrics : The algebra has a devil for the sidekick eeeee...
Real Lyrics : Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me...
AND THE TOP MISHEARD SONG IS :
Real Lyrics : Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me...
AND THE TOP MISHEARD SONG IS :
Song : Centerfold - J.Geils Band
Misheard Lyrics : My anus is a center hole
Real Lyrics : My angel is a centerfold
Real Lyrics : My angel is a centerfold
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